1 Pill = 70 Oranges. Also, I’m famous!

I was going to write a quick piece about these over the counter pills I bought today because I’m super psyched and think they are going to be like the Fountain of Youth “Walmart style” but then I was sidetracked, so this is going to be a two-parter.

Part One– the bouncer at my neighborhood bar and I were chatting it up last night and  he told me about this stuff:


ALIVE!   Doesn’t it sound great? Maybe it’s the exclamation point. He said he’s only been taking it for a week but he feels like he’s superman or some crap.  I commented that I could “So totally use something like that because I feel like hell all the time and my eyebrows are falling out and I keep having this nightmare that a tooth just falls out of my mouth while I’m speaking publicly and I can’t go on living like this.”  It must have been fate, because he reached into his pocket and happened to have a coupon for the stuff.   “You know,” he added, “It would probably help to lay off the booze too.”

Ain’t gonna happen, my man.  Gettin’ some ALIVE!

Part Two– Documentation of what sidetracked me from the above post as narrated through an email exchange with my man and I:

BF: ALIVE!!! Jessica I’m sorry you had a really bad start to your day.  How are things going now?

Me: Meh.

BF: Meh, me too, hard to focus.  Trying to ship things now blah blah blah.

Me: Boooooooo.  Guess what?  At Starbucks now- this just happened:

  • Guy: Can I take your picture?
  • Me: What?
  • Guy: Can I take a picture of you sitting there working on your laptop?
  • Me: Why?
  • Guy: Because I’m a photographer and you’re pretty
  • Me: Good enough for me

Alllrighty then

BF: Is that really all it takes Jessica?  Just a guy saying you’re pretty and then you’ll let him take your photo?

Me: Today? Yes.

BF: Ok….did he show you the picture?  Are you sure this guy doesn’t have a wall of photos just of you?  Maybe he’s creepy and this was just the start?

Me: Actually, he took three photos…… and no he didn’t show me any of them….  He had just bought two iced coffees so I assumed he had friends which by default means he’s not a serial killer.  Iced coffees= Non-serial killer.  It’s like a math problem.

BF: Well how are we supposed to see the photos, what did the camera look like?

Me: Like the two on the top leftcamera

BF: …….I like the research.  Did you get this mystery photographer’s name?

Me: He wouldn’t give it to me

BF: What???????!!!!

Me: Jk, I didn’t ask.

BF: So you have no way of seeing these photos?

Me: I guess not.

End Scene.


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