Sure, I’ll follow you, naked man.

Starbucks thought:

So… what’s the deal with MoonCheese?  Am I right?  It’s obviously not from the moon.  They make it round to give the appearance of an orbital body, however from the minimal amount of exposure I’ve had looking at this item, it’s a bag of pepper jack cheese.  Which is pretty great, except then we have to explore how they can let it hang out in room temperature.   How do you do it, Starbucks?

I’ve had a fairly unexciting day (see above) so I figured I reach into the bank.  Long ago, in a galaxy far far away I had the pleasure of going to a home that left me a little befuddled.

*Knock knock*

Man opens door.  Naked.  Ohh wait no, I forgot, he was holding a bathmat around his waist.

“Oh… hello…..is this a bad time?”

The elderly gentleman proceeded to angrily ask who I was, but then turn around (not really trying to adjust the mat) and start shuffling down the foyer. Insisting that I follow him into, what I can only assume, is the last room I will ever see. Cue longest pause ever as I looked at naked man, looked back out to the cheerful neighborhood outside, naked man, cheerful outside, naked man again.

If you’re picturing what this home looks like (dirty, dark, cluttered, some weird dolls laying around) you are WRONG. Well-lit and squeaky clean. This somehow did not quell the inner alarms that were SCREAMING at me that THIS IS NOT NORMAL. Oh well. I start toward the living room and this guy doesn’t even turn around to see if I’m there, just disappearing into a bedroom yelling how he’s glad he thought to grab the bathmat before he opened the door. Me too, sir.

Naked man proceeds to appear not fully clothed, but in the process of putting his legs in his Levis. He looks at me accusingly and says he has no idea where his wife is.

“I had some problems this morning and had to go to the hospital. They gave me a bunch of medicine. She was supposed to be there but she’s missing.”

O rly?

Instead of calling in a missing person report though this guy sits down across from me and wants me to give him the whole sales schpeal, which I am not down to do.

“Oh my goodness, you have NO IDEA where your wife is?”

I keep asking this, a little alarmed that this guy is hopped up enough to not only lose his pants but his FREAKING WIFE.

After a tango of me repeating my concern and him telling me to “sell him something” I decide this visit has run it’s course and politely pry myself away. Naked man looks disappointed and promises to call once he finds his wife. The End.

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